


almost human

by virdanfalls



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Cyberpunk, Cyborgs, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 17:59:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18816109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virdanfalls/pseuds/virdanfalls
Summary: Tsukishima Kei died on the 21st of November 2078, beside his crew members, all of which who were also found dead. When he woke up weeks later in a cyborg body, he was resigned to take revenge on those who violated his wishes.He was to meet with a resistance member at the rendezvous point with intelligence for the resistance. It's a shame that this agent happened to be attractive and friendly, just the right combination to catch Kei's attention and make him long for something more.[originally posted a while back, reposted with minor edits]





	almost human

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm reposting this work. Save for a few minor edits, it's mostly the same.

Tsukishima Kei died on the 21st of November 2078, beside his crew members, all of which who were also found dead.  They had been ambushed by enemy forces. His government had engaged them in another war over resources. He had stopped asking questions about the point of it all a long time ago.

 

He found himself oddly relieved as his consciousness had faded, to not have to worry anymore about his subordinates or about doing the right thing in a system obviously corrupted.  

 

When he woke up weeks later in a robotic body, he was filled with discontent.  

 

Discontent may be a kind word.

 

Rage is more apt.

 

Kei shuddered at the memory of his “second birth” as they had deemed it.  He had known of cyborg coworkers. He had worked with them, even talked to them about their experiences.  They all had signed waivers that gave their permission for a consciousness transplant if their human bodies had failed in the field.  Kei remembered that his older brother, Akiteru, had signed that same waiver when he had entered the military. Yet, when they delivered news of Akiteru’s body failing to Kei’s family, there was no addendum.  There was no, “However, he is now a fully functioning cyborg.” There had been a funeral, with a coffin, which was lowered into the ground.

 

When Kei entered the military, he swore he wouldn’t give his family that hope for a cyborg instead of a funeral.  He had refused to sign the waiver, an odd occurrence by military standards. However, they hadn’t forced him to sign it.  

 

And yet, here he was - a human mind in a robotic body.  He despised himself. He raged. He screamed, anger consuming his actions, as he strained against the bonds holding him to the table like an animal.

 

_ “We deemed you too valuable in terms of leadership and intelligence to let you die.”   _

 

_ “It would’ve been a waste.  Of course we bypassed the waiver.” _

 

_ “No subject has ever been this ungrateful for the gift of life.” _

 

_ “You must embrace your new form.” _

 

Kei hated them all - these scientists that spoke these words, never understanding why his mere form filled him with disgust, with guilt.  He was fuming.

 

But they were correct about one thing. Kei was exceedingly intelligent.  He was intelligent enough to understand that resistance would only lead to more cages and chains to keep him restrained.  

 

So he feigned calm.  He molded his rage into something more constructive, and was able to repress it after a while.  He learned to keep his robotic face composed. Cyborg bodies were still unable to produce accurate representations of emotional outputs, so the scientists read his deep rage as post-transplant depression, a common disorder. 

 

Kei was set free of the scientists in a matter of months.  Of course they kept him for psychological exams, general progress tests.  It took hundreds of sessions of physical therapy to acclimate himself to his new form.  

 

As he walked down the hallway of his old workplace, to his old office which he had held what seemed like decades ago, a single thought echoed in his consciousness.

 

_ I’m going to burn this place to the ground. _

 

Now Kei was intelligent about his sabotage.  He knew that literally setting the base aflame would leave him dissatisfied, as it would be rebuilt.  Personnel would be replaced as if nothing had happened. No, what he needed was something semi-permanent, something insidious, something they couldn’t recover from.

 

He found his revenge in layers of heavily encrypted files, detailing the government sting operation that was targeting the largest anti-military group.  He had downloaded the plans, translated from the encryption, and added instruction on how to hack into government servers. 

 

And now he found himself at the rendezvous point, in a shitty dive, waiting by the juke box as the resistance agent that he had contacted had told him.

 

A man with messy black hair, stuck up in all directions, strode up to the jukebox and stuck in a quarter.  He flipped the song to something from the late 2010s. Kei stiffened as the familiar beat began to play, glancing at the man in surprise.  That had been the signal, the song that the agent said they would use to notify him of their arrival. And yet, he hadn’t expected said resistance agent to look quite so-

 

Kei struggled to find a word that meant “annoyingly attractive”.

 

However, this was his chance to destroy those who had meddled with his life.  And he was going to take it - even if that meant dealing with devilishly handsome rebellion members.  The black haired man walked nonchalantly to the bar and ordered a glass of scotch. Kei followed after a few moments, declining the bartender’s inquiry for his order.  Robotic bodies didn’t need sustenance, thus alcohol was useless to him.

 

The other man took notice of this, and smirked at him.  He waited to speak until the bartender had gone to chat with other patrons.

 

“You didn’t say you were a cyborg,” he quirked his eyebrow, regarding Kei with curiosity.

 

“You didn’t say you were an asshole.” Kei replied without missing a beat, sarcasm thick in his voice.  His companion cackled into his scotch as he took a swig. 

 

“Guess I should’ve warned you of that.” He replied with a toothy grin.  “Are you curious about how I was able to tell you were a cyborg?” Kei looked at him skeptically.

 

“You noticed that I didn’t order a drink.” He said steadily.  “It’s easier to tell in dim lighting, as my eyes have a reflective quality.  You probably think you have good intuition as well.” Kei met his eyes without blinking, as he didn’t need to.  “Something like that?”

 

“You really are sharp.”  The man responded with amusement.  His eyes were warm, a trait that was rare amongst the people that Kei had interacted with recently.  The scientists that had prodded him and the military officers that had worked with him all had eyes that were blank, emotionless.  Warmth was something Kei was unused to. Along with his eyes, his tone and posture were so expressive, it knocked him off kilter. Kei couldn’t tell if he enjoyed his presence yet, or if it set him on edge.

 

“Are we going to head out, or are you going to force some type of interactions between us?”  Kei scoffed, turning away from the black haired man to feign disinterest. “Because I’m not one for small talk, and we don’t have time to meddle around.”

 

“Relax,” the man said, lifting his drink by his fingertips.  “Let me sip on this at least.” Kei just huffed, but remained silent in response. 

 

“What’s your name?”  The man asked as he took another sip from his drink.  Kei turned to meet his gaze, his face composed stoically.

 

“Tsukishima.” He said stiffly. The man laughed at him lightly.

 

“C’mon, is that all I get?  You don’t have a first name?”

 

“You haven’t told me your name yet.  You have no room to talk.” Kei deadpanned, unwilling to give this agent anymore information.

 

“Kuroo Tetsurou.”  He said casually, with no hesitation.  Kei thought that he was using an alias at first, but something about his tone felt sincere.  He almost gave him his first name in response, but held his tongue. There was no reason to trust him.  He could betray him as others had. 

 

He found himself wishing he could drink, if at least to feel a little less tense.  

 

“You’re cocky for a resistance agent.” Kei observed, keeping his voice neutral.  “What if I had a wire? I could be a double agent for all you know.”

 

Kuroo laughed at that.  “If you were a double agent, I’d already be dead.  I know what cyborg bodies can do.” His grin was joking, but Kei felt the deep repercussions of his words nevertheless.  Yes, cyborg bodies can do a lot more than the average human body. Cyborg bodies were enhanced for one on one combat, given intensely precise reflexes and above average strength.  They were also commonly outfitted with stealth and surveillance gear. Kei had taken leave from the military before he allowed them to further manipulate his form. He hadn’t been given a say in any part of this process thus far.  He doubted that they would listen to his reservations at further enhancements.

 

Kuroo allowed them to sit in silence for another moment before breaking it again with chatter.  Kei clenched his jaw, slightly annoyed.  _ Why does he like talking so much?  _ He thought to himself. 

 

“Just so you know, it’s going to be a week long trip, at least.”  He explained, taking the glass by his fingertips and swirling the alcohol within as he chatted.  “Base is far out from here. We have to take backroads to avoid police and military patrols.”

 

“What’s the difference at this point.” Kei muttered grimly, shuddering as he remembered how many times he had lead those very same patrols.  Police officers were trained as dogs of the military, with about the same utility as infantry. 

 

Kuroo glanced at him, a little surprised at his sudden cynicism.  However, he replied gracefully with a smile. “Not much, I suppose.”  He took a final swig from his glass before standing from his barstool.  “Ready to head out?”

 

“Only if you give me the keys.” Kei deadpanned seriously, meeting his gaze steadily.  He was good at looking serious, as his mechanical face didn’t communicate any type of intense emotion well.  He was lucky he was usually stoic in expression, or it would’ve been another major change to adapt to. 

 

“It’s my ride!” Kuroo squawked indignantly.

 

“Then you agree that we shouldn’t crash it.  Give me the keys and I guarantee that I’ll prevent it from getting a single scratch.”  Kuroo still glared at him defiantly. He sighed. “I know it’s just one drink, so I’ll let you drive after about an hour.  Just long enough to guarantee that it’s out of your system.”

 

“And how can you tell that?” Kuroo asked incredulously.

 

“My eyes have scanners that can analyze the chemical composition of your blood.”

 

“Shit, really?” Kuroo 

 

“No, I just have the common sense to not drink and drive.” Kei deadpanned, a sneer curling on his lip.  

 

“I’m starting to think you are both a cyborg and an asshole.” Kuroo muttered as he pulled the keys from his pocket and dropped them into Kei’s outstretched hand.

 

“I wasn’t aware that they were mutually exclusive,” Kei replied monotonously.  Kuroo laughed at his response, as they deserted the bar.

 

Kei was pleased with Kuroo’s ride.  It was a black motorcycle, decorated with random sticker logos and speckles of stray paint.  The imperfect, colorful, and chaotic patterns against the black background suited his companion, somehow.  He couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

 

Kuroo caught the satisfied smirk on his face.  “I’m glad you like it at least. Take good care of it.  It’s my baby.”

 

“Will do.” Kei replied curtly.  “You don’t have a kill switch, do you?”

 

“No,” Kuroo denied swiftly.  “Too much trouble. I just keep an eye on it, and it hasn’t gotten scrapped yet.”

 

“You’re too cocky.” Kei scoffed as he swing his leg over the side of the motorcycle.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Kuroo responded airily, sliding behind Kei.  He wrapped his arms around the cyborg’s waist. “You don’t mind if I’m a bit clingy, do you?”

 

If Kei was being honest, then yes, he did mind.  He hadn’t experienced the sensation of touch from another human being since taking this form.  As Kuroo’s arms tightened around his waist, he felt an odd, tingling sensation from his pressure sensors.  It was off-setting, yet strangely comforting. He took a moment to consider it before deciding that it was okay.

 

“You’re fine.  Feel free to cling.”

 

“You sure?” Kuroo asked hesitantly.  Kei supposed that he sensed his initial hesitancy.  He nodded at the man sitting behind him.

 

“Wouldn’t want you falling off now, would we?” Kei replied snarkily, leaving Kuroo replying in mock annoyance.  However, in the same instant, Kei turned the ignition and gunned the engine, barrelling into the highway with sudden speed.  Kuroo’s words were cut off as he yelped in surprise, and Kei just laughed at his response as he sped down the highway.

 

He had forgotten how much he had missed driving.  He had sped down similar roads in envoy trucks with his crew.  He had always insisted on driving. Not only did he prefer to control the speed and direction of travel - he also just loved the feeling of the wind in his hair.  Now, in his new form, the wind felt different, more prickly, less smooth.

 

However, at least he felt something.

 

He hadn’t felt much of anything in a long time, if he was honest.  

 

A burst of sound alerted his attention to the man clinging to his back.  He realized that Kuroo was laughing heartily.

 

“What?” he shouted over the wind, as they sped along the highway.

 

“For such a stiff, you sure know how to drive!” Kuroo yelled back, laughter still coloring his voice with life.  Tsukishima just smiled in response and pressed down on the gas.

 

* * *

 

 

They arrived at an abandoned safe-house in a near empty neighborhood.  The empty, run-down houses in the surrounding area gave off a foreboding aura.  It unsettled Kei. He tried not to think about it as he sat behind Kuroo on the motorcycle, holding him around the waist.  They had traded places a few hours back, when Kei had deemed Kuroo fit to drive. Kuroo radiated pure warmth, causing Kei to cling a little tighter.  He hoped that Kuroo didn’t notice. Regardless of whether the man noticed or not, he didn’t say anything of it.

 

They arrived at the safehouse around 0325.  They were a little behind schedule, but that would just mean less sleep for them.  Regardless of their sleep hours, they were leaving at 0700. As Kuroo prepared a place to sleep, he glanced at Kei curiously.

 

“Don’t you need to, uh-”

 

“I don’t sleep.” Kei said simply.  He was sitting on the ground, having found a relatively clean patch of floor.  He leaned his back cautiously against the rain-weathered walls of the house. The safehouse was definitely in a neighborhood nearing reconstruction and redistribution of residences.  It was too far gone to simply renovate. The supports of the house leaned towards the ground, burdened with decay and rainwater, only further dilapidated with time. Kei was sure he noticed mold on the ceiling, and from his audio data, he could hear rats scurrying about.  Even if he was able to sleep, the random noises and unfamiliar environment would have kept him up.

 

“Well,” Kuroo said after a pause, “If you want a blanket or something, I brought an extra.”

 

“I don’t need a blanket.” Kei replied.  He hesitated for a moment, however, as he considered asking his next question.  Kuroo noticed his hesitance and pressed for information.

 

“What is it, Tsuki?”

 

“Don’t call me that.” Kei chided him.

 

“You didn’t give me a first name, and your last name is long.  Tsuki it is.” Kuroo smirked cheekily as he explained this.

 

“Fine.” Kei grunted.  “But only if you consider this request of mine.”

 

“Shoot.”  Kuroo encouraged as he finished laying down his blanket and makeshift pillow.

 

“Would you consider letting me sit near you while you sleep?”  He felt embarrassed as soon as the words left his mouth. “My body regulates its temperature to an efficient, but low temperature.  It’s one of my least favorite parts of this body. You’re just...very warm..” Kei trailed off, feeling extremely embarrassed at this point.  

 

Kuroo smiled sadly.  “You miss warmth, then?”

 

Kei averted his gaze as he mumbled his response.  “It makes me feel human, if for a moment.”

 

Kuroo glanced at him, his mouth turned into a small frown.  He nodded in confirmation. “Yeah, feel free. It won’t mess up your, uh, servers I guess?”

 

“If it did, I wouldn’t mind.” Kei barked out a mirthless laugh.  Kuroo just blinked at him, a trace of pity in his eyes. The blonde cyborg didn’t care enough to explain his cynicism to this man.  Instead, he moved to sit beside him, convincing himself that he enjoyed the sensation purely for the warmth, as he stretched his leg beside Kuroo’s back.  Even through his jacket, Kuroo still emitted a strong warmth, which left Kei feeling nostalgic of when he had been able to feel that warm on his own. They sat in silence, until Kei was sure that Kuroo was asleep.  

 

Kei kept watch, shooing away any rats or bugs that approached Kuroo’s sleeping form.  In between these moments of protection, Kei found his gaze sliding over to Kuroo. He was bored, and there wasn’t much else to do.  He considered how vulnerable he looked in sleep, then reminded himself that most people looked softer when they were asleep. 

 

_ He really is annoyingly attractive,  _ Kei sighed to himself.  His dark hair, which stuck up in perpetual disarray, suited him so well.  He recalled the appearance of his motorcycle and realized why he thought it too suited the man.  It was almost a reflection of himself. The colored stickers and decals were a loud distractor, much like the banter and bluffing that this man displayed as a superficial layer of personality.  Beneath that, he seemed much more brooding and emotional, as Kei had noticed earlier with his concerned silence. 

 

He was finding himself growing more attached to Kuroo Tetsurou than he had initially expected.  To be fair, the initial expectation was to maintain total indifference. And yet, the rebel agent just had to be intriguing, complex, and stupidly handsome.  And now that he was sleeping, Kei had to add “oddly adorable” to that list of traits.

 

* * *

 

 

 

They left a little before 0700, as Kuroo had woken up just before his alarm had sounded.

 

Kei found that watching him wake up was a small joy.  He rose to consciousness slowly, rubbing his eyes softly and yawning often.  He felt a twinge of pity for the man. He knew what it was like to run on fumes.  Four hours of sleep wasn’t much to go on, especially when they were on such a long road trip.

 

Kei offered to drive for the first hour again, to give Kuroo time to wake up.  Kuroo agreed, and Kei cautioned him not to fall asleep while he was driving, lest he fall from the bike in motion.

 

They drove in relative silence for a while, switching places after an hour as agreed upon.  The howling wind of the empty highway filled the empty space of their nonexistent conversation.  

 

They stopped around noon for gas.  Kuroo noticed a diner across the road and asked if they could stop in for a meal.  Kei nodded, understanding that Kuroo hadn’t eaten for a while. It was odd, having to remember things like sleep, water, and food.  Kei had lived so long without thinking of them, that, now that he was with Kuroo, he was recalling what it was like to be human.

 

It was a nice feeling, although painfully nostalgic.

 

“So,” Kuroo began as they sat across from each other in a shitty booth, “What do you cyborgs run off of, if you don’t eat or sleep?”

 

“Government secret.” Kei deadpanned, a mischievous air about his words.  “Can’t share it with strangers.”

 

“Excuse you, Tsuki.  You weren’t acting like a stranger last night!” Kei choked back a snort of laughter at Kuroo’s words as a nearby patron, who had obviously overheard, glanced at them with raised eyebrows. 

 

“Shut up, idiot!” He laughed, smacking Kuroo’s hand lightly.  “We’re supposed to be inconspicuous.” He said the last part with a lowered voice.

 

“I haven’t shouted that you’re a cyborg yet so I think we’re fine,”  Kuroo said in a chuckled whisper. Kei just glared at him, although he felt a blossoming warmth in his chest - at least, a metaphorical warmth, the kind spurred on by emotions.

 

Kei thought of his emotions distantly, like an onlooker observing his own life. He was certain that the capacity to feel any positive emotions had died with his human body.  Since his implant, he had been spurred on by anger, revenge, and a keen hate of the authoritarian government which had taken so much from him. And yet, he felt, for the first time since waking up on that damned table in this reprehensible form, a lighter, softer, contented emotion stirring within him.   _ Oh, _ he thought.   _ I guess I enjoy hearing Kuroo laugh. _

 

Kuroo ordered coffee and a two egg breakfast from the waiter that served them.  Kei averted his gaze, and Kuroo clearly stated that was it for their order, to spare him the social interaction.  Kei noticed his tactful handling of the situation - it helped them avoid suspicion, as cyborgs were known enough in the public conscious.  There were usually confined to military grounds, so one walking freely in public meant something was wrong. Kei shuddered when he thought about the consequences of a stranger finding out about his true identity.

 

“Kuroo.” he began, turning his gaze back to meet his eyes.  His companion lifted his head from his phone, giving him his full attention.  “As we get closer to more densely populated areas, we’ll need to change our driving schedule.”

 

“Sleep in the day, drive in the night?” Kuroo suggested knowingly.  He didn’t ask many questions, and yet he acted like he understood Kei’s situation.  It was unnerving.

 

“Yeah.  Can’t risk being sighted by cameras in the day.” Kei explained.  He found himself fumbling with his hands, a habit that he thought he had lost up until now.  It was a nervous tic, a way to keep his mind occupied when he thought of things that didn’t sit well with him.  

 

Kuroo noticed, but didn’t ask.  Kei was beginning to notice a pattern.

 

* * *

 

They were on the road again by noon, Kuroo now caffeinated and well-fed, and therefore hyper enough to attempt to have a conversation while they were driving.  The intense wind blended his words together into an incoherent jumble which not even Kei’s highly tuned auditory sensors could parse. After a few minutes, Kuroo realized any attempt at conversation was hopeless, and focused his eyes on the road again.

 

The landscape was mostly overdeveloped suburbia, abandoned by most of the residents in search of the more economically stable cities.  However, the occasional wandering vagrant passed by their field of vision, walking along the downtrodden sidewalks now so rarely used. Kei tried not to look, but the decay of the different neighborhoods and residential areas confirmed the fear he had held for a long time.

 

Working in the military, he had experienced a sort of political tunnel vision.  He only saw the objective before him, and carried out his duty with no questions asked.  When asked about politics, he usually avoided the question, or just spouted off some bullshit answer.  Kei had never actually felt nationalistic, or a strong affiliation towards the government. But now, seeing the lack of effort on public infrastructure, the resulting low income areas of residence left to rot until they were completely deserted - if there was an opposite to nationalism, Kei was feeling it very strongly.   His hands began to tighten around Kuroo’s waist without him realizing it. He felt Kuroo laugh, and managed to pick up his comment, as they were driving slower than before.

 

“Not trying to choke me out now, are you?”  He guffawed into the rushing wind. Kei loosened his grip in response and didn’t reply.  They found an old parking garage to loiter in after another couple of hours on the road. A cursory check revealed that the cameras no longer worked.  

 

“What had you bothered earlier?” Kuroo asked as  he sat down, pulled a blanket up to his shoulders.  Kei sighed. He knew he couldn’t avoid his companion’s observant nature.  He weighed the different options of his reply. He could just write Kuroo off, not share anything with him, and leave it at that.  However, something about Kuroo made him seem worth talking too. Kei found himself wanting to confide in him, wanting to hear his thoughts in reply.

 

“It’s just..” Kei began softly, unable to meet Kuroo’s gaze.  His hands were fidgeting, just slightly, as he tried to boil down his hateful and frustrated thoughts into something more palatable for Kuroo to handle.  “Driving through those old neighborhoods…”

 

“You’ve never seen the ‘neighborhoods’?  What, do you not watch the news?” Kuroo was asking with genuine curiosity, which made Kei all the more unwilling to reply.

 

“When did it get so bad?”  Kei asked finally, deciding that was the simplest way to ask.  

 

“Well, when all of the money in your country goes to either fund the military or to line the already overstuffed pockets of corporate CEOs, there’s not much left for welfare and infrastructure.  You’re telling me that you’re transporting military intelligence and you don’t know about the politics of the matter?”

 

“I just… I didn’t get out of my workplace much.”  Kei would’ve been sweating, if his body could have produced sweat.  Kuroo cocked his head, a little confused. 

 

“Where did you used to work?”

 

“I…” Kei sighed, feeling guilt flood his system.  “I joined the military with a friend when we were sixteen.”  He felt Kuroo’s gaze sharpen but continued nonetheless. “I had grown up watching my older brother.  He also joined, although he was stuck in infantry the whole time that he was in the force. I...told him I wanted to join him, and help him fight too.  They were the words - the thoughts of a child. But, when...when he died,” Kei noticed Kuroo tense at those words, “I couldn’t go back on it. At least, I felt that I couldn’t.”  

 

Kuroo was silent for a long time.  He seemed to be processing the information.  Then, finally, he spoke. 

 

“Then what makes a military dog turn his back on his masters?”  It was mirthless, not necessarily based in malice, but wary. Kei smiled, feeling tired.

 

“I worked for them, tirelessly.” he began, feeling a little regretful at his foolish self.  “I felt that if Akiteru had to die early, I could work hard enough for the two of us. It was a naive mindset, but because of the effort, I was promoted quickly.  I eventually ended up the commander of a regular crew, with the same friend that I had joined with. His name was Yamaguchi Tadashi.” Kei ran his hand through his hair.  “He honestly helped me stay sane, as some of the other crew members were insufferable.” His voice sounded almost affectionate as he continued. “There was a duo, Kageyama and Hinata, who were invariably too loud.  Though they were almost always bickering, they worked well together. I grew to trust them, even to like them as friends. And Yachi Hitoka, a newer recruit, was also grouped with us. She was so brilliant, she probably should have been commander over me.  But she worked strategy with me, so it was close enough. After a few years of running missions with them, they felt like a family.”

 

Kuroo looked at him intensely, sitting up.  He crossed his arms, waiting for Kei to continue.

 

“It wasn’t meant to last, though.”  Kei smiled mirthlessly. “During a mission, we were left out to dry.  They turned away our reinforcements and left us struggling to evacuate on our own.  With what little equipment we had…” Tsukishima blinked his eyes, knowing that if he had been able to cry, tears would have welled up at the memories he was reliving.  Yamaguchi’s desperate scream as the assailants broke through the doors that they had locked themselves behind echoed in his mind, as he remembered how both Hinata and Kageyama struggled to shield Yachi behind them, only to fall simultaneously to the rain of bullets covering the room.  Kei realized he was holding his face in his hands, his fingers clutching his hair tightly. He took a measure breath.

 

“I died with them.” He spoke methodically, trying to distance himself from the memories as best as he could. Not many people could remember in detail how they had died with their closest friends, and yet, Kei was just that lucky.  

 

“My last thought was of my brother.  I was hoping to see Akiteru in whatever came after life, if there was something that came after.” He paused, realizing that Kuroo was leaning towards him slightly, more and more entranced with his story. “My...my theory is that they left us to die, because they wanted to be able to more easily control me.  Before the mission, I had been showing signs of noncompliance, going against orders and making decisions of my own accord. It didn’t sit well with the higher ups. With me as a cyborg, I’m a lot more susceptible to discipline.” 

 

“Then why haven’t they disciplined you enough to prevent all this?  How are you not being tracked right now?” Kuroo’s reply was suspicious.

 

Kei smiled briefly.  “Their surveillance only works if I’m within a military base.  I bought a communications jam to cut them off from me right before I escaped.”

 

“Ok,” Kuroo relented, the wariness faded from his voice.  “Well, go on then.” Kei nodded and continued his story. 

 

“Well I woke up hoping to see Akiteru, but I was met with reality instead.  The military had performed an unauthorized consciousness transplant.” He exhaled deeply.  The next words that Kei spoke were much more intense with whatever emotion he could convey. “This body isn’t mine, Kuroo.  They brought me back to use me as a shell. I can’t live in a world like that.” Kei sucked in a sharp breath, “So I must change it, or die trying.”

 

“Hey Tsuki, let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.” Kuroo chided him softly.  “We all join for different reasons. What’s important is that you’re here now.”

 

Kei didn’t reply.  Instead, he turned his gaze away from Kuroo, focusing on a patch of wall and trying not to overthink his companion’s words.

 

* * *

 

 

Kuroo didn’t bring up Kei’s affiliation to the military again.  He treated him as he had before, as if that time in the military didn’t change his opinion of him.  He still slept near him, allowing Kei to press his leg to his back as he slept. Kei didn’t like not knowing Kuroo’s opinion of it all.  It made him nervous.

 

They began their new schedule from the parking garage, departing around 1900.  Kei realized that he preferred driving at night. The lights sliding against the dark backdrop comforted him oddly.  The air felt pleasant on the pressure sensors of his cyborg body. Being able to feel himself chill, even for a moment, made him feel less artificial.  It was a nice sensation, though he could never hide the truth from himself. 

 

They made a stop at a 24 hour fast food shop so that Kuroo could do human things - eat, drink, use the bathroom, attempt to chat Kei’s ear off.  Kei found himself hesitating to ask Kuroo about his thoughts, to see if he was angry with him, if he resented him. His playful banter didn’t indicate so, but that wasn’t enough to comfort him.  He let the opportunity pass by without notice. 

 

They were back on the road in less than ten minutes, making ample use of their time despite Kuroo’s chatter.  It was, however, already fairly close to sunrise, as the sky tinged blue and pink with the beginnings of dawn.

 

“Shit,” Kei managed to hear Kuroo’s curse through the blasts of wind.  “We should be farther up the road by now.”

 

“Let me drive!” Kei shouted up to him.  Somehow, Kuroo heard over the gusts of air and pulled to the side of the road.  He looked at Kei questioningly.

 

“We need to be at a certain hideout, right?”  Kei began. Kuroo nodded to his question in confirmation.  “I used to visit this area often. It was where my brother lived when he was on leave from the military.”  He tried to convey the sincerity of his words, to get Kuroo to understand him, to earn even a sliver of his trust.  “I used to ride bikes with him around here, so I know the back roads and alleys well enough.”

 

Kuroo quirked his eyebrow suspiciously.  “Are you sure you remember?”

 

“I do.” Kei nodded resolutely.  It was hard to fix his face into anything other than a serious grimace, as robotic faces weren’t generally emotive.  And yet, he tried to steel his face into something determined, something steady and dependable. He wasn’t sure when he had started caring, but it felt so natural that he let himself care about Kuroo’s opinion, about whether or not he trusted him.  

 

Kuroo held his gaze for a moment more before relenting and giving him the address for the safehouse.  Kei searched for the address with his built in GPS function, carefully connecting to the internet from his own encrypted server.  He was able to route them while shaving ten minutes off of their arrival time.

 

He took his place at the front of the motorcycle, while Kuroo slid into the seat behind him.  He could tell that the messy-haired man was tired, as he slumped slightly against his back, blinking with reddened eyes.  

 

Kei sped along the narrow roads, flying into alleys only meant for small motorized vehicles.  However, he navigated the passageways with ease, and, with his newfound confidence, was comfortable driving faster than he initially had intended.  Thus, he shaved another two minutes off of their time. Though it was far from ideal, they were able to make it to their destination only two minutes late.  

 

They set up for bed more quickly than usual, Kei nervous to talk and Kuroo grateful to sleep.  Kei let him quickly bundle up, wrapping himself in the blanket, when a foolish idea popped into his head.  He considered it for a moment, watching Kuroo cautiously as he did. The man seemed chilly, as he clutched the thin fabric of his blanket around himself while shivering.

 

“Do you…” Kei began slowly, uncertain of how to phrase his question.  Kuroo rolled over to face him, glancing at him curiously. “If you’re cold, I can lay next to you.”  He finished lamely.

 

“Doesn’t your body get cold?” Kuroo asked in confusion.

 

“Internally, it is kept cold.  The external hardware doesn’t have coolant, though.  So it would help insulate. Look, forget I offered-”

 

“Wait, wait, you didn’t give me any time to answer.”  Kuroo scoffed, sitting up with a smile. “If you wanted to cuddle, all you had to do was ask.”  Kei grimaced with his already stony face.

 

“Like I said, forget it.” 

 

“Aw, c’mon Tsuki.  Cuddle with me. Please?”  Kuroo was smirking now, his voice teasing.  However, Kei felt another rush of emotion at his voice, or perhaps his words.  Maybe it was the way he was looking at him in that moment. He froze, trying to process this information as quickly as he could.   _ Why, why, why, _ repeated in his head.  He was reluctant to finish the thought.

 

“Hey,”  Kuroo’s voice broke through his thought process.  He had his attention again. “Did I bother you with that?  I was just kidding -”

 

“No,” Kei said quickly.  “I’m okay. Just..taking time to think.”  He sat down beside Kuroo. “It it’s okay, I would like to do that.”

 

“That? You mean the cuddling?”  Kuroo laughed, surprised at his change of heart.

 

“Yeah, the uh, cuddling.” Kei was fumbling with his hands again.  “If that’s okay.”

 

“Fine by me.” Kuroo patted the patch of floor next him.  “Just don’t blame me if your back hurts in the morning.”

 

Kei didn’t bother telling him that his back, his muscles, his limbs no longer ached after a night of sleep on a flat surface, nor that he missed that ache amongst many other things.  Instead, he quietly slid beside Kuroo, just barely touching him with his side.  _ This, _ he thought as Kuroo’s warmth traced along the side of his body,  _ is a lot better than merely sitting beside him. _

 

He stared at the ceiling in silence for a few minutes as Kuroo got comfortable beside him.  He felt Kuroo thread his arms around his right arm, and pull him closer, laying his head on his chest.  The sensation of another body pressed against his own was something he had sorely missed. He managed to stifle the sigh of relief that almost passed through his lips.

 

“Say, Kei.”  Kuroo murmured into his arm.  “Did they decide to make your face that pretty, or have you always looked like that?”

 

Kei decided to ignore that his companion had called him pretty, and instead focused on answering his question.  “My face looks similar to how it did when I died. They got the hair and the facial structure right I suppose.”

 

“Not your eyes?” Kuroo pressed.

 

“Well the color is correct.  And the shape,” Kei explained slowly.  “But I used to wear glasses. I had worn glasses since I was four or five years old.  Even going on missions, I wore glasses. Not having them anymore feels...weird.”

 

“You can’t get you a placebo pair?  Like frames without a prescription?”

 

“I wasn’t allowed to.  I guess I can get some now that I’m out of the military, but my primary focus is to complete this task.”

 

“That’s fair.”  Kuroo yawned and nuzzled closer against Kei’s chest.  “You’re surprisingly comfy for a cyborg.”

 

“Thanks,” Kei said in a flat deadpan.  He knew that Kuroo was close to sleep now.  This was a perfect opportunity.

 

“Hey Kuroo?”  He began uncertainly.

 

“Hm?”  The messy haired man hummed into his chest.  

 

“Do you think I’m awful?”

 

Kuroo stiffened, and lifted his head to look at him.

 

“What makes you ask that?” He replied quietly.

 

“I’ve done things...for the state, against humanity, that even I have trouble forgiving myself for.”  He explained, his voice detached. “I know that we’ve just met, but...I find myself caring what you think about me.  So I wanted to ask.”

 

“Do you not normally care what others think?”  Kuroo asked with intrigue.

 

“Not in the slightest.”

 

“Wow,” Kuroo chuckled.  “I’m flattered.”

 

“Will you just answer the question?”  Kei responded, slightly annoyed.

 

“No, Tsuki, I don’t judge you for your past.”  Kuroo clarified bluntly. “I’m just glad you’re doing what you’re doing now.  Y’know?”

 

Kei blinked in surprise.  He wasn’t expecting an answer so simple. 

 

“I suppose,” he responded, tentatively placing his hand on Kuroo’s back.  He felt the man relax into him as if he was a cat. Kuroo yawned again. “You should sleep.”

 

“I would if you’d stop chatting my ear off,”  Kuroo murmured sleepily. “Why are you so talkative when I should be sleeping?”

 

“I’m done talking for now.”  Kei said truthfully. “Just try to rest.”

 

“Mhm, ok” Kuroo’s voice was thick with sleep.

 

Kei had trouble focusing on anything other than Kuroo’s sleeping form leaning against him.

 

* * *

 

 

 

“So then Kenma, Fukunaga, and Taketora had to gas outta there.  It’s a good thing Tora had a motorcycle, because the cops were right on their tails.”  Kuroo told Kei, gesticulating wildly along with his story.

 

“All of that for a few video games?” Kei asked incredulously, his eyebrow raised.

 

“You underestimate my friend Kenma,” Kuroo laughed as he took another bite of his meal.  They were at a rest stop, four days into their trip. They were about twenty six hours of driving away from the rebel base.  Only a day and a half more, and Tsukishima would be with the resistance. He was nervous of rejection because of his past endeavors.  Kuroo seemed to pick up on this, however, and took it upon himself to tell Kei stories of his fellow resistance members. It was comforting in a way.  It gave Kei something to look forward to at least. 

 

Kuroo was leaned against the gas station, eating a discounted egg and cheese burrito. Kei had wrinkled his nose at the food when Kuroo had returned outside with it, for once not necessarily wishing for his old body. 

 

As Kuroo chatted like this, Kei usually observed their surroundings. However, this time, Kei allowed himself to glance back at Kuroo throughout the encounter. He was entranced with Kuroo’s brightness. Despite the other man’s exhaustion from their cross-country road trip, Kuroo was as bubbly as ever. He was chuckling over a dare between him and Yaku, another resistance member, when an odd motion caught Tsukishima’s eye. The attendant in the gas station was holding a phone to their ear, talking hurriedly.  Kei was returned to reality violently, as the realization hit him.

 

“We have to go,” he said steadily, catching Kuroo’s gaze as he interrupted him. His companion was confused for a moment. He turned towards the gas station attendant and understood immediately.

 

They left in under thirty seconds, but that still didn’t feel fast enough. It was midday, with open roads converging into a highway bringing them into a small city. Kei cursed as he realized just how vulnerable they were.  _ Why didn’t  I better prepare for this? _ He asked himself in desperate anger. 

 

As they took a winding and narrow road in the city, the sound of sirens echoed from behind them. Kei tightened his grip around Kuroo’s waist. He could feel the other’s breath hitch as he felt the same  dread that was pooling in Kei’s stomach. They swung around another corner and were met with a squad of three police cars driving directly towards them. 

 

“Shit!” Kuroo swore, turning the wheel back to make a smooth U-turn. There took another side road, that led into a small alley. 

 

They were cornered.

 

Kuroo dismounted, cursing a string of swears while running his hands through his hair. Kei considered him, and strengthened his resolve. He knew this was the end for him, but it didn’t have to be that for Kuroo. He sighed before placing his hands lightly on Kuroo’s shoulders, steadying him. 

 

“I have a plan.” He began seriously. Kei opened a compartment in his wrist and pulled out a tiny microchip. “This holds all the information that the resistance would need to hack and shut down federal servers. Take it back to the others.”

 

“But what about you?” Kuroo looked at him in horror, his face pained. Tsukishima just shook his head slowly in response, allowing his silence to speak for him. Kuroo seemed so vulnerable and distraught that Kei couldn’t help asking his next question.

 

“Is it weird that I want to kiss you?” Kei said mirthlessly, his eyes searching Kuroo’s.  Kuroo shook his head quickly. “It’s just, I think this is the end of the line for me.” 

 

“I’m actually curious about what kissing a cyborg feels like,” Kuroo joked halfheartedly.  Kei sensed a strain of melancholy in his voice.

 

Kei leaned in, taking him into a soft kiss.  His lips were stiff, as they were not built for kissing.  However, Kei felt more alive than he had ever been as a cyborg. It was a chaste exchange of touch, just enough to convey the depth of what they felt for each other while restrained to the brevity of their circumstances.  In this, they shared their last moment of quiet. Tsukishima pulled away first. He looked at Kuroo intensely, trying to show as much emotion as he could with his blank, robotic face. 

 

“I haven’t felt something for another person in a long time.” he admitted, his gaze unwavering.

 

“I’m flattered,” Kuroo balked, however his expression became melancholic quickly.  “Are you-”

 

“I don’t want to bring down humanity’s last chance to overthrow these bastards.”  Tsukishima turned back to the alley’s opening. Echoing lights from either side indicated that they’re surrounded.  He pulled out a gun from the inside of his coat. “I’ll take them from this side. You go out the back after a few moments.  Listen for three gunshots in quick succession. That’s how you’ll know it’s clear.” 

 

“But, Tsukishima-”

 

“My first name is Kei.”  He turned back, smiling. “Since it’s the last time someone will be referring to me, it should at least be by my first name.”  Kuroo’s expression broke at this, his face collapsing into the beginnings of a sob. Kei’s resignation to his own fate was too much for him to handle.  Kei only took his hand and squeezed it softly as he continued. “The resistance must live, right Kuroo?” 

 

“Tetsurou, to you.”  Testurou choked out, his voice thick with the tears that threatened to fall from the corners of his eyes.

 

“Tetsurou.” Kei regarded him for a moment more, his expression tender.  He leaned close to him as he spoke, his words laced with bittersweet emotion.  “If circumstances were different,” he murmured, eyes looking at Tetsurou with sincerity, “I think I could have fallen in love with you.”

 

Before Tetsurou could reply, Kei turned away swiftly, and ran out of the alley.  As he sprung out into the open, he shot two shots from his gun which hit their marks with intimidating precision.  Kei knew that he was going to die, as he aimed each shot carefully, meeting his marks with inhuman accuracy, but he felt a smile curling on his damned face either way.   _ No, I don’t regret this,  _ he decided resolutely.

 

Kuroo gritted his teeth, looking back as the cyborg dodged shots with agile precision.  He was up against several police units and an overhead unit. They were cornered, outnumbered - and yet, Kuroo wanted to stay with him.  He wanted to fight with him, he wanted him to survive with every fiber of his being. This sarcastic asshole who had turned his careful world lopsided - he wanted more time with him than this.

 

But he knew that Tsukishima was right.  There was a resistance waiting for this intelligence.  And he needed to leave with it. 

 

Kuroo flinched as he saw Tsukishima take a shot to the shoulder.  It only resulted in a moment of hesitation before he switched hands with his gun and began shooting and dodging again as if nothing had happened.

 

_ This body isn’t mine. _ Kuroo remembered Tsukishima’s disenchanted words, his hollow eyes which glowed with artificial light.   _ They brought me back to use me as a shell.  I can’t live in a world like that. So I must change it, or die trying. _

 

Kuroo had never considered the second option realistically.  Losing Tsukishima would always seem too soon, too unfair.

 

The three shots came, and Kuroo cursed under his breath as he pulled away, gunning the engine for the back entrance of the alley.  As he drove forward with intense force and propelled himself over the hood of a police car, red and blue lights reflected off of the tears that streamed down his face.  

 

_ Kei, _ Kuroo thought as he sped down the empty road, into the city.  _  I won’t forget you. _

 

Tsukishima died smiling this time.  As his body succumbed to the holes between gears and wires, he was able to manage that much.  His systems failed, his body seized, and he fell upon the ground. He hit the panic switch with his last moments of consciousness. All of his memories - those precious short moments with Kuroo, his long stints in training with his other teammates in the military, all the way back to his childhood, and hugging his mother’s legs as they stood at their front door and received the news of his older brother’s death in the field - were erased completely from his servers.  He would not allow his consciousness to be used by the military for intelligence or as a future pawn. He was taking this death and making it his last.

 

As Tsukishima laid on the ground, his mind blank and lacking identity, he wondered what had made him smile so wide in the face of the void.  Words left on his lips fell from his mouth, though he wasn’t sure of their meaning. 

 

“Te..tsu..”

 

Tsukishima Kei did not live again.


End file.
